I think that is a beautiflly written essay, mirroring a lot of the hatred and discrimination that exist today. However, the topic assigned was whether these things are getting worse. That would be hard to say because hatred, fear, anger, aggressivity, etc. have always been around. Your essay would be stronger if you would explain why you think that things are changing for the worst. Access to weapons and to international news reports, as well as violence shown so widely on TV and video games, may make us more "violence-friendly." I am sure that there are many more reasons.
A suggestion to make your argument stronger: Your central thesis is that the world is changing for the worst, because of hate and discrimination, and how these lead to conflict. In your essay you have supplied good evidence of this and have argued it well, and on its own it stands up as an argument. But, to keep in mind: you haven't shown how this is different from the way things were in the past, and thus not completely supporting that things have changed for the worst. Hate, discrimination, and violence resulting from those two things have been around forever and forever. In fact, one could argue that the world is improving because of the increased awareness of and attempts to eradicate hate and prejudice in comparison to the past (also for example improvement in woman's rights, etc. like Karen suggested). To solidify your argument you would need to show how the hate and violence today is worse than earlier, ie. through comparisons of then/now, showing escalation of conflict, maybe something about today's technology and ease of killing, etc. But all in all, a good essay! If you write any more, will you also post them up here?
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